It is really funny that I am writing my second post after about an year. And more importantly when my first post itself talked about postponement. That is the irony here.
Anyway, after thinking about a number of topics, I decided to take the thread from where I left last year.
So, lets move forward with mentoring. I will be writing more from the perspective of someone who needs mentoring from mentor/s.
Why have I chosen this topic?
I realized during my engineering graduation days that I had been unknowingly speaking to good mentors at my hostel. Some of those advices have been tattooed in my heart for life. It continued across the professional life when I played the roles of mentee and a mentor quite often. When I was studying management at business school, I again found significant portrayals of my roles as both mentee and a mentor. Finally, managed to attribute this experience to my underlying strength of “curiosity to learn”, endlessly. Never stop thanking God for that.
In India, this is common knowledge where “Guru – disciple” culture has been a tradition since time immemorial. We believe in Guru as someone who can guide us on everything. I don’t refer here to self-proclaimed or religious or self-christened management gurus. Rather, it is those simple common people who don’t make a business out of it.
What is mentoring?
For me, mentoring comprise of:
- Guidance and advice from someone you trust
- In the hour of need when you really need it
- In a way that is coherent with your beliefs and convictions
How to choose a mentor?
A mentor could be a friend, a parent, a sibling, a teacher, a colleague…you get the point. Someone whom you approached in the past when you most needed and he/she gave a solution or advice that worked for you. Indeed there are number of points that may fall under “subjective” and “it depends”. However, at the macro level you found yourself moving in the forward direction albeit by a millimeter (or a kilometer), when they advised you.
There is no formal ceremony in this process, but the very fact that you know someone you can approach when you are in difficulty. Even God, for that matter is the best mentor, if you ask many people. Some find answers to their internal turbulence in good books, may not necessarily be religious books. I have personally also experienced situations where someone new became my acquaintance at the time when I needed him / her the most. I relate it to the famous conspiracy theory – “If you really want something, then the whole universe conspires to make it possible for you”.
Points such as age, race, religion, looks etc may not really matter. Even their lack of knowledge in certain area of your interest does not matter. Remember, when you get signals towards solution they may not necessarily come in the only language you understand well. That is the reason you have small fables which you read in your childhood probably. However, the key lesson from them and your ability to apply that knowledge to your particular context is what really matters.
Fundamentally, your mentor does not expects any materialistic consideration in return. They guide you because they feel good in sharing and being of help to someone. At times, a feeling of self-importance and superiority might seem to have a display in few mentors. But, I still feel that true mentors remain untouched even by these gains.
At times, it is also a process of trial and error where you seek advice from many people and then “use your brain” to compile and arrive at your decision.
Why should your choice of mentor choose you to be his/her “disciple”?
You may love to have Mr. Gates or Mr. Buffett as your mentor. However, that could be a far-fetched idea. I am sure they would have definitely guided many enthusiastic people as far as possible for them. Even if, assuming for the sake of arguement, that they know you, what qualities should you posses to be a good mentee?
In my opinion, the most important trait of a good mentee is “listening”. Unless and until you lend your ears (along with your mind) completely to your mentor, the whole exercise of mentor-ship might go waste in spite of 100% genuine efforts by your mentor.
Your loss if you hide any symptom (or disease) from your doctor is understandable. I believe, a much higher level of transparency is required when you interact with your mentor. You don’t put your bias even before you start interacting.
The incentive for mentor is that he / she also is enriched with your line of questioning and the process of problem solving. Compare this with discussions which the famous Greek philosophers like Socrates, Aristotle etc used to have (Adi Shankaracharya’s discussions for comparison in India). If you even ask your teacher in school or college whether they themselves also learnt important lessons while teaching their students, the answer unarguably will be yes.
Final word
I find myself going through such experiences every now and then and feel content about them. The feeling of someone else making progress where you also participated with some advice, is greatly satisfying. At the same time, the assurance that you have someone whom you can always approach when you want to talk about something is equally delightful. Try it out for yourself if you have not done so yet!
Good luck!